Men never ask what to do when they don’t know what to do

I answered anyway

I understand perhaps more than you might think. We both made choices, maybe too soon, too readily, that we didn’t know were going to be this demanding, hard and selfless with little to no gratitude offered or given.

I know you probably would rather I not, but I see you. I see your kindness, empathy and angst over not being able to do enough. You do try very hard to hide it all. The world is a very cruel place for those who don’t and ironically, more cruel and lonely for those who do.

It seems impossible to do the right thing, make the best choice from so many bad options. Any choice you make is going to feel like the wrong one even though it is probably the best one available. Sadly, the most biting sting comes from those who are closest to you, from those who are supposed to know you best and know that your hard shell is for the rest of the world, to protect those you choose and love.

I’m not sure what the truth is very much these days, but I choose to believe the sting is because they are hurting, that they know the rest of the world won’t absorb their pain. But we will, even as it hurts deeply.

It hurts to feel like everyone is leaving you, even though it was not their choice to leave. The greatest pain we can endure is loneliness. It’s also the fear of being abandoned that fuels the cruelty of lashing out. It’s fear, not anger. It’s fear, not disappointment. It’s fear, not resentment. Some things you cannot change or protect against.

I surmise few people have ever asked you what you want for yourself, what makes you happy, brings you joy, what you want for your own life. Few men get asked. It’s an easy pattern to fall into, living to the expectations of others, to always be there figuring out how to get things done, to know when enough has been given, where your duty ends and their responsibility begins.

The line is never that defined.